I clean porta-shitters for a living
This post has no purpose…literally no purpose.
But we hope it gives you a ridiculous and brainless reason to laugh! And if you don’t like our humor…well, at least our moms will.
Now, if you’ve ever built a survey and tested your own product, then you know how monotonous 39 rounds of edits can be…
So as I finished building out this story board form for an e-book we’re writing where we’ll share the most unique jobs from the road, I asked Josh to give it a test run and fill in the blanks, make sure it flows well, ya know — pretend he’s the one we’re interviewing?? And…30 minutes later, this hits my inbox.
This is all Josh. Many years of bad toilet humor rolled into one business form. I take no credit for this creativity. I’m just the idiot who thought it was funny enough to put out for other’s eyes to see…(and judge). :)
I love him. And I love his humor.
I’m sure this’ll make his mamma proud…
Name: J. Schuk-inator
Email Address: noneofyourbusiness@stopstealingmyinformation.com
Phone: 62-61-2-3-
Your website: www.fuzzyyellowballs.com
Your Instagram: @turdburglar
Tell us about your home on wheels?: I live in a 1982 Chevy Vandura. I take my shits under the back seat. No, I don't have a compost toilet, too expensive. I just shit and pee under the back seat and then throw some wood clippings that I get for free from the local lumber yard under there when it gets too shittastic. One day I may need to dump it out in some field, but not today.
Oh, and I also sleep on the back seat. Sometimes I have to wear a mask because the smell gets so horrid.
I spend most of my time trying to stealth camp and avoiding local authorities who don't like that I shit where I sleep.
But this is my life and I'm proud of it.
What is your UNIQUE job?: I clean porta-potties at massive events. The bigger the better because the more shit I clean up the more I get paid.
For example, I cleaned shitters at Sturgis last year and literally made 10 bucks for every deuce that people dropped.
250,000 people in one place for a week = a helluva lot of deuces.
How long have you had this particular UNIQUE job?: 10 years of shittastic fun.
How did you come up with / fall into this super wicked cool and unique job?: I got super smashed one night at Sturgis and fell into a porta shitter.
Once I came to, I realized that shit wasn't so bad and that no one else was willing to clean it.
I bought a muckrake at the hardware store the next day and the rest is history.
How is it that you're able to work from anywhere?: People shit everywhere so that I can work from anywhere.
Seriously, anywhere there is shit, I can work.
and THERE IS SHIT EVERYWHERE.
What does this type of work/lifestyle afford you?: When I don't smell like shit, I can go where I want, do what I want, and spend my money on shit I want to.
What has living/working remotely allowed you to do with your life that would be hard to do otherwise?: Well, it's not everyone that can shit where they sleep.
I also enjoy that I can set my own hours, go wherever the shit smells sweetest, and deal only with the shit I want to.
Entrepreneurs: Why are people interested in your UNIQUE business? What's in it for them? What keeps them coming back?: Look, people have been shitting since the caveman days. It's only relatively recently that we decided to civilize ourselves enough to shit in a consistent place.
People will keep coming back everyday to shit in a place they can depend on. My job is to make sure that shitter is as clean as it can be.
Sometimes some shit gets away from me - especially after some Sturgis rider hits a porta-shitter after hitting a hog roast, but I do my best.
People keep coming back because they need a place to shit. Even when I can't keep that place as clean as it should be.
Any fun facts? Cool tricks? Top of mind things you'd like to share with us?: Not really. I'm just cleaning shit in the best way I know how.
Also, please try not to miss the shitter next time you have explosive shits at Sturgis.
What were your startup costs?: Zip
How much income does your job provide?: I'm living like a rock-star and saving some too
Do you have additional stream(s) of income?: No
If you have additional stream(s) of income, what are they?: I just clean shit. Shit is what puts food on my table and funds my retirement.
Shit is what put my kids through college.
Shit is what makes the world go 'round.
Fixing the porta-shitter in our ‘88 Airstream
What has been the BEST part of this UNIQUE job thus far?: I once used an industrial-strength pipe snake to remove a 20 lb. turd from a porta-shitter at Bonnaroo.
It was the crowning achievement of my career.
What has been the HARDEST part of this UNIQUE job?: When someone eats too much fiber, they shit out hard shits. Those shits are the hardest part of my job because they are hard as shit to clean out.
To those wanting to work/live from the road, but not sure how/where to begin, what advice do you have?: Look for shit that noone else wants to deal with and see how you can make money off it.
Before you know it, you'll start seeing shit everywhere.
Times are weird. Laughing is not.
Dare:
Their aim is to keep the porta clean for you. Your aim will help. Have some respect next time you attend an event and clean up after yourself.
Cleaning porta-shitters is a real job and the average pay is about $13/hour. It’s a dirty job, but we’ve met some rock-star cleaners out on the road who take their job very seriously.
Real signage spotted in Jungfraujoch, Switzerland•2019
